6 Secrets to Insane Romance … Even With an Infant

One of the hardest things for me to do after I had the baby was to get back in the mood — if you know what I mean. I just couldn’t pull it together. I felt like a whole hot mess, my body was out of whack. I wasn’t getting any sleep (I’m really still not) – so exhaustion covered me like a soaking wet blanket. My sense of self had all but disappeared (you mean showers, hair combing, AND makeup are necessary???) so I felt ugly. And let’s be real here, libido… what libido. It went on vacation… without me. So it was very easy to slip into a daily routine of work, baby, pump, baby, hi husband, baby, half-eaten dinner, baby, time for bed (at 7 pm), baby, baby, baby, morning, baby – repeat.

Where was the time for me and my husband to connect? Truthfully, there was no time. And we didn’t make time. We got in the business of life and baby and completely forgot about us. Until, that is, I broke. The baby was asleep and I was like – Come on husband! It’s go time! And I was excited. Until I got shut down. What? My husband didn’t want me? It hurt me to the core. But the truth is – he did, and does. But contrary to popular belief ladies, men need romance too. So thus came the changes. Here’s how we worked our way back to fireworks. It’s my six secrets to bringing the insane, can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you, kisses and cuddles romance back from vacation.


1 – Laugh. Be silly with each other.

For me and my husband, this one was kind of easy. Even though I did forget how to laugh a little, he was always there to crack a joke and to remind me that “it’s just not that serious.” It’s so easy to fall into a rut where nothing is funny at all. The baby is crying and work was stressful. What exactly is there to laugh about. How about that 2 inches of burnt crust on the chicken you just made for dinner. Frustrating? Yes. Funny as hell? Absoutely. Go ahead and laugh. It’s OK. Laughter eases the tension and also relieves stress. Still can’t laugh, remember that time you were trying to be sexy and the whole thing went left? Come on… everyone has that one time they were like Jamie Lee Curtis in “True Lies ” and fell off the bed. Laugh at it. Then go in the room and try again. Watch a comedy special – there are bound to be some raunchy jokes in there that you probably can relate to. It may just give you some ideas too. But the point is – laugh and give yourself permission to let go and be silly. It’s going to help. I promise.


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2 – Put down your smartphones.

There’s no bigger mood killer than separating yourself from your significant other than to be mesmerized by Facebook. Put the phone down slowly and walk away. Social media was supposed to help us be social, however, when it comes to making romance, it’s one of the fastest ways to ruin the mood. Trust me, you can respond to Jane’s post AFTER you’ve connected with your boo. That electronic glow is not reminiscent of a candle. So light a real one a get it poppin’.


3 – Don’t co-sleep.

For me, this was one of the hardest things not to do. It was so easy for me to get up in the middle of the night, breastfeed, and then just lay the sleeping angel right next to me so she wouldn’t wake up. And let me tell you, when the baby is in the bed… there’s no getting it on. You just can’t get in the mood. Put the baby in the bassinet or the crib and allow her (or him) to cuddle while you and boo cuddle. And if you’re the type to raise the roof during the deed, go ahead and let the baby co-sleep at grandma’s. Or a friend’s. You’ll thank me. Also, sleeping is so much baby when you’re not afraid that you’re going to roll over on top of the kid and smother her. And that good nights sleep you’re going to get will help you with exhaustion… so you’re not too tired for romance. Feel me?


4 – Do date night or date day.

Go out with your loved one. Get a sitter and get out of the house. Creating memories is the key to being silly and laughing and sparking that ember into a raging flame. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as it’s fun. Go on a picnic. Or to the movies. Or to dinner. Go dancing. The most important part of the date is remembering to leave the business of life at home. No serious talk. Forget about work. You go back to work tomorrow. “Forget” about the baby. I put forget in quotes because you never really forget. Just don’t make her the main topic of conversation the WHOLE time. You might as well have brought her with you. It’s tough. But doable. Do talk about taking a vacation and how special you are to each other.  While you’re doing whatever it is that you’re doing… hold hands. Kiss. Caress. A little PDA never hurt anyone. Try to do it at least once a week. If you’re really ambitious, twice.

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5 – Get in the kitchen.

My husband and I love to cook. We work very well in the kitchen. So pull out recipes that you both love. Make sure some of the foods you cook are aphrodisiacs and will get your juices flowing. While you cook, sip on a little rosé. Nibble on some strawberries. Brush against each other. Seductively taste the food and offer some to your babe. Shake your bum a little bit while you bend over to get vegetables out of the crisper. Kiss. Flirt. All while listening to a little Teddy Pendergrass. Which brings me to my next point.

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6 – Do what Teddy would do – “Turn Off the Lights.”

Teddy Pendergrass had it all figured out. Turn those lights off. Light a candle. Get closer. And get – it – on!!! Nothing says romance more than a little sexual healing. So do it. All the puns intended. Run your special someone a bubble bath and then invite yourself in it. After you get out, pat dry but forego the clothes. Keep the birthday suits on for a sexy full-body massage. Take turns getting all the kinks out, and then get kinky. How about that. Get creative. Spice things up. Just remember, all the heat doesn’t have to be contained to the bedroom. There are all sorts of places in the house to explore. Just sayin’. Go have fun.

I hope this helps you to spark some romance. It has really helped me. It’s easy to get off track, but if it’s important, you’ll make the time. Don’t forget about you and your love life. It’s just as important as other aspects of your life. You’ll be a happier camper. I guarantee it.


Photos by WesleyAnn Knetzer (unless otherwised credited)